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Aquarian Weekly 4/21/10
REALITY CHECK
TAX
DAY SPEECH 2010
NJ TEA Party Coalition Rally
The following is a transcript of a speech given by the author
at the First Anniversary of the NJTPC on 4/15/2010 at 4:30 pm
on the Hackensack Green, Hackensack, NJ.
Good
day.
I'd
like to begin by pointing out that you people are idiots. And
by that I mean stupid, since I am assuming, as idiots, your vocabulary
is limited. Please forgive me if you are not an idiot or by chance
are an idiot but not so much as to need the "stupid" qualifier.
It's just that my only exposure to Tea Party enthusiasts and their
paid speakers and media sounding boards are usually manipulated
by main stream corporate news organizations; and I have to tell
you this half-assed "movement" of yours is very often displayed
as an agonizingly long line of inarticulate goobers with little
to no grasp of the King's English or of the nation in which they
are trying to reconstruct. Seriously. I have abused my fair share
of narcotics in the past and basically mainline French absinthe
on weekends, but it is difficult for me to reconcile this kind
of behavior to the appropriate chemical stimuli.
Please
keep your boos and caterwauling until I am finished. We have a
lot to get to before we bring out the usual parade of slobbering
slogan jockeys. But don't panic; in order to make the reality
medicine go down smoother, I have agreed to throw in the occasional
fist-pumper every paragraph or so, like "Death to the Weird!"
and "Go George Washington!"
Now
at this point you might rightfully ask yourself; why would the
NJTPC invite this asshole to deride us so viciously before uttering
a single word that soothes our sense of isolation and fabricated
angst against a massive and uncaring government that wishes to
steal our hard-earned money and control everything we do? Fear
not! What stands before you is a tried-and-true rebel. I have
fought this battle in a dark vacuum of spite without all the flavor-of-the-month
fanfare you posers enjoy.
You
see, long before you decided what level of government over-reach
would motivate you to waste a perfectly good workday waving grammatically-challenged
signs dressed in American Revolution regalia, I was the founder
and chief officer of the AAPGF, or as it is known in the fringe
group industry; Artists Against Puritan Goat Fuckers.
The
AAPGF, to which a fancy logo and a detailed manifesto have been
available for over a decade on-line, is a turn-of-the-century
brainchild of great independent thinkers, whose ranks today number
in the thousands. We believe without compromise, that the authority
and power of our governing bodies have gone far enough. Many Republicans
here today who are ironically tying to piggyback this "movement"
actually fought against its unyielding principle of individual
liberty by using bullshit arguments about children, obscenity,
God, the greater good of society and other tyrannical gibberish.
Ah,
thank you. I see I've hit upon your buzzword. Good to see some
of you are still awake. The special Kool-Aid will be administered
shortly.
"Up
with people!"
My
founding of the AAPGF aside, what ultimately garnered my invite
to your gathering today is my repeated and thus far thwarted attempt
to secede my meager stretch of land from the Union, much of my
tribulation is well documented on my web site, so I shan't belabor
it here.
But
believe me when I tell you; I'm a lifer. This is not a hobby for
me, nor is it a calculated attempt at politics or middle-aged
outrage, as what appears to be the case for an overwhelming number
of you soft-bellied small-timers. I've been to the edge and back
with government; federal, local, you name it. And I'm here to
say the entire thing is fucked and must be broken down and rebuilt
from scratch. It is flawed and screwed, and its atavistic foundation,
cobbled haphazardly as it was under cannon fire during a heat
wave two hundred and forty or so years ago, while still the best
example of governance in the history of human civilization, is
nothing more than out-dated Euro-Trash.
I'm talking about heavy lifting people. Voting another group in
over the group that came before has kept The System growing and
its expansion widening for most of these two hundred years. This
is why I'll assume you guys are waving the Don't Tread On Me flag.
I've proudly unfurled one of those on every property I've inhabited
for three decades. It is the only flag that should fly. The American
version is tainted and besmirched and until there is justice for
all should be our pariah.
"No
more free lunch!"
So
what are we trying to accomplish; you know beyond the awkward
social ineptitude and yelling?
Well,
I decided, that instead of sharing my fairly radical and somewhat
scarily reasoned ideas today, I wish only to breakdown what it
is your aim and to point out as succinctly as possible its utterly
ill-conceived and badly fostered platform.
I
have in my hand the NJTPC's Core Principles. It's Mission Statement,
and I paraphrase, is "to restore and protect the founding principles
of our nation", which, as already stated, for a "movement" is
silly. You're supposed to reject a system that isn't working,
not make specious claims that its origins were bastardized. What
is this; the Russian Revolution meets the dawning of Christianity?
All philosophies are bastardized.
"Down
with pie charts!"
Okay,
now onto your thirteen principles, and by the way; nice under-grad
symbolism with the original thirteen colonies. I dig that.
1.
Rights are endowed by God. Governments are instituted by men.
The
musket and the sword endow rights. The people choose democratic
governments. And while I understand this mocks the very notion
of a Tea Party in the sense that our present construct provides
taxation with representation, these are the facts; and although
you are entitled to your opinion, not so much the facts.
2.
Support for U.S. Constitution.
The
original or the amended version? If it is the former, then all
women and minorities will be asked to please leave; along with
those with limited land ownership. You're all excluded. These
are your principles, not mine. I only wish to deconstruct them.
3.
Support of the Tenth Amendment - states sovereignty.
If
we are going to adhere to the original founding principles, then
there are no states. Therefore these "principles" - which are
defined as immutable and handed down by an invisible deity - are
rendered null and void.
4.
Rejection of global governance and the ignoring of the laws bound
by the Constitution are punishable as treason.
Who
are you guys going to elect that will not be bound by global governance
and won't challenge the authority of the constitution, because
you cannot name one president and hardly any single legislative
branch member who hasn't engaged in this activity.
5.
Only the founding fathers original interpretation of the constitutional
is valid.
Once
again, women, minorities and lower middle classes exit stage left.
6.
Rejection of all tax laws.
Any
group that considers taxes as a form of slavery really wouldn't
embrace prison. I would wipe this off the list myself, but that's
just me.
7.
Free Market over any government regulation.
For
more information on how this has been an abject failure and led
to the most socialist laws known to this republic, please see
the Roaring Twenties. When you have sufficiently been educated
on the recorded disasters of an unchecked Free Market, then we
can talk. Until then, please stop giving me the finger. You need
to blame your parents and the shitty school system for your frightening
level of ignorance.
8.
Rejection of tyranny.
Agreed,
but most of the language in your principles sound a bit authoritative,
like "We only accept the original form of the constitution."
9.
Rejection of usurping the checks-and-balances of governance.
I
will respectfully leave this alone, for its populist sentiment
is at its basest form a "All puppies are cute" kind of thing.
10.
The government is at service to the people.
Well,
I thought we were Free Market. There is no government service
without the people, and if the people are going to "be" as opposed
to "being represented by" the government, then Principle #10 directly
refutes Principle #7 and turns this thing into a pseudo-Bolshevik
rally, and I did not bring my notes for that one.
11.
Reserve the right to petition the government for a redress of
grievances.
What
the hell are you doing in Hackensack?
12.
Reserve the right to remove our consent to be governed.
Please
see an earlier principle for the jail solution. I think many of
you would likely benefit from incarceration of some kind, but
again, I wouldn't recommend it.
13.
We only support candidates from whatever party that adheres to
these principles.
Good
luck.
Okay,
so in conclusion, I offer my sincerest wishes of fortune on your
meaningless journey to nowhere, as I will conclude with the same
slice of wisdom I offered to an anti-war rally four years ago,
when similar mud-brains thought by electing new guys to the same
System would end the fifteen wars we've got going.
Do
yourselves a favor; ignore the ugliness of the big picture; get
laid and have a beer. Better people than you have given up far
more for less. Write it off as a loss and try and be happy. It
could be worse, you could be gay and pay all the taxes for half
the rights.
Thank
you and God bless me and everything I stand for, and god damn
the rest of it.
"Happy
Tax Day!"
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