Aquarian Weekly 7/3/02
REALITY CHECK

COURTS A-GO-GO

This was banner week for controversial court decisions. So let's cut through the piles of crap and get to the brutal truth. The mandatory reading of the Pledge of Allegiance in public schools is unconstitutional.

This is the ruling of U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals, and with respect to those who disagree, I must concur.

The main crux of the decision focused on the monotheistic phrase "one nation under God". For a myriad of reasons, many will find the rejection of God in anything outrageous, yet, once again, I must agree with the ruling.

This has nothing to do with political correctness. Anyone familiar with my work would never mistake it for anything approaching polite. It has everything to do with the reference to God.

God should not be mentioned in anything to do with the politics of humanity, its governments, its currency, its anthems, or especially the aggressive, violent behavior resulting from their existence. God is causing enough troubles among the radical loons, who are busy ramming airliners into office buildings.

A fairer argument against this ruling might cite the "one lone nut" theory, which I have espoused when soccer moms try and shut down the film or music industry because they're too lazy to pay attention to the information seeping into their kid's brain.

Ironically, much like the PMRC furor of the mid-80s', one voice began this "pledge" hubbub. Michael Newdow, a Sacramento physician, used his daughter as a political football to promote atheism. In other words, he, and his layers, manipulated the court system to attack religious bullies, while he himself was, you guessed it, an anti-religious bully.

Newdow was "offended" by his nation being under any deity. His argument is specious. It is not his nation. It is not God's nation. A nation, by definition, is "a large body of people possessing its own territory ruled under a unified government." There is nothing in there about an omnipotent patriarch or any whining dipshits from Cali.

And, by the way, I'm not certain this is a unified government, or that there is "liberty and justice for all". But let's not quibble at this juncture. There's a great deal to cover this week, so I shan't wander.

The fact is a fellow by the name of Francis Bellamy plagiarized the Pledge of Allegiance. It was ripped off word for word from a socialist mantra. He put it together to reflect his cousin, Edward Bellamy's political views. Bellamy, author of "Looking Backward" and other wildly silly utopian novels, introduced his cousin to the mindless oath to state above and beyond individual freedoms and personal choices of import, like, say, religion.

This is why congress decided to jam God in there during the height of the Cold War and the rabid idiocy of the Red Scare. It was far too close to the Russian creed, and certainly no God fearing nation could have a similar chant to that of a Godless horde.

Stay with me kids; the parade of morons along this long line of brainwashing garbage never seems to end.

Meanwhile, over at the Supreme Court, a ruling came down approving random drug tests for any public high school students seeking extracurricular activities. The defense of the ruling states that a schools' interest in ridding their campuses of drugs outweighs an individual's right to privacy.

This is beyond insane.

Now, not familiar with the modes of mental illness nor the state one has to be in usurp even insanity, there really isn't a level of absurd reasoning that combines any part of the Constitution's 4th Amendment with the idea that any institution, state run or private, can arbitrarily force anyone to be tested for anything just so they can play the Tuba or audition for the "H.M.S. Pinafore".

And, once again, I implore those who pain over this high-level malarkey; any kid on drugs isn't interested in hanging around for five seconds of extra anything near the school. It's tough enough getting these youngsters to attend the appointed time. They would be better served testing those not interested in extracurricular activities.

Here's the deal with this sack of nonsense. Because everyone went crazy-go-nuts over steroid use in high school football a few years back, the Supreme Court attempted to "save the children' by instituting "random drug testing" for sports. Now, it seems, junior won't be making the Chess Club without supplying a viable urine sample.

Perhaps now someone might understand why I froth at the mouth every time these legal jerk-offs try and censor anything to "save the children'. One minute they're putting stickers on albums and leaning on Hollywood, the next they're burning books at the 4th of July cookout.

This latest mess began when a court ruled against a former Oklahoma high school honor student, Lindsay Earls, who innocently competed on an academic quiz team and sang in the choir.

I propose we randomly test these mutants who continue to misrepresent American history as some kind of destined glory for rich white folk and pass it off as curriculum.

And I propose that calculus is better digested on heavy hallucinogenics.

And finally, this whole School Voucher thing in Cleveland cannot be anymore aggravating. I don't want to fund anyone anywhere receiving a "finer" education, unless I am asked to approve the curriculum and set the standards for attendance and grading.

I also would like special parking privileges as a member of a school board. These people obviously do nothing, and I can get into that.

I have a voucher that says that the Catholic and public school systems failed me in ways that are best understood only when drawn out in several volumes with detailed graphics and charts.

And if televised evidence of a Cleveland Browns football game is any indication of the city's level of intellect, they shouldn't waste a dime on hall monitors.

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